How's THIS for openers?

One of my all-time favorite schoolyard jokes way back then was to walk around saying that " it looks like they won't be serving 'Gansett at Fenway this season."

And when someone would ask why, I'd say, "Because the Sox lost the opener!"

Get it? Sox lost "the opener." HA! HA! HA! HA!

Of course, that was back when Narragansett Beer tasted good, when there were no pop-top cans, and the Sox ALWAYS lost the opener. (Can I mention those double-headers, twi-night or otherwise?)

But now comes word out via this morning's Boston Herald that America's most beloved ballpark hopes to install two (big deal) "Bottoms-Up" beer dispensers in time for opening day. While this is truly one of the most brilliant ideas since Joe Owades invented diet beer ("Here, drink this, fatso!"), it won't take me out to the old ball game for nachos, sushi, or Legal Seafood chowder. ("What happened? Did someone get a hit?")

If Amrhein's in Southie can boast the oldest bartap in the Hub, who throughout the Cape & Islands will be the first to install this baby? [Note: The GrinOn company will be marketing a home version in 2013; also, this is not an original idea. Scotsman Trufill was out there two years ago.]

As Ned Martin would have said, "Mercy."

Red Sox draft beer server

Greg Turner/Boston Herald

A high-speed beer dispenser that’s delighting suds drinkers at sports arenas nationwide could be more of a hit than incoming sluggers Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford at Fenway this season.

Red Sox concessionaire Aramark signed a deal to bring a pair of “Bottoms Up” beer dispensers to Boston by Opening Day. The aptly named system fills a special cup from the bottom up in just a few seconds, vastly outpouring typical tap setups and keeping those aggravating alcohol lines moving.

“It’s another reason for fans to get excited,” said Aramark spokesman David Freireich. “We think people will be lining up and stopping by even if they aren’t planning on buying a beer, just to see how it works.”

Bottoms Up works its magic thanks to a thin magnetic disk in the cup bottom that flips up when the cup is placed on the system and beer flows in, and then flips back down and seals when the pour is finished. A four-cup Bottoms Up station can pour as many as 44 beers per minute.

  

The complete article can be found: http://www.bostonherald.com/business/general/view.bg?articleid=1325675