Branded!

Jeez, Louise, the cops wanna take my mugshot, but I don't have a thing to wear. My WAAF t-shirt's in the wash.

Maybe you saw on this morning's news that some sports fan on a Delta flight from ORL to BOS tried to open the door en route. He did not use the Flip Wilson/Geraldine excuse: "The devil made me do it!" No, his defense attorney claims his client discovered the door was broken, so he was just trying to fix it. But I digress.

Here we are at the Suffolk County jail, and all he had clean to wear for this roadtrip was his Bruins t-shirt. Not only does it hide the beer stains well, but probably came with the official NHL merchandise hologram on the tag. It's not clear from the mugshot just what that shield is beneath his crewneck, but I'm thinking it's genuine stuff from Marshall's.

This should NOT be confused with the official Red Sox gear that some Weymouth guy is trying to fence in Yankeeland. (Talk about "stealing home plate"?) Nope, this self-taught airline mechanic is sporting (pun intended) the real McCoy (or, if you don't want that in English, "the real enchilada.") Yet again, I digress.

His photo from the arrangement is much more colorful and clear. Black and gold! Go Bruins!

I suppose it could be worse; maybe a Spongebob shirt? Or a Rod Stewart souvenir tee?

And yet, if you watch the fan explain his side of the story on WCVB's website, you'll discover him to be not only a bit more joyful in explaining how the devil might have been "a burger and a couple of beers," but also a Pats fan! How do I know? The t-shirt tells me so. http://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/27852471/detail.html

Okay, I'm coming down a bit harsh on the guy for his wardrobe, when all I've been doing this week is pissing and moaning about the fact that this weather has been sooooooo raw that I can't yet put away my entire collection of hoodies. Would you want me to wear the same one each day of the week? No, of course not. In fact, for a couple of years my hoodie of choice was a heavyweight gray baby with the word EAGLES stitched in maroon and gold across the front. Strangers would point to me with pride and say, "BC!" And I'd gloat with even greater pride and tell them, "No. Marshall's. $19.99!" Even though I went to Wesleyan, I do like a good deal. One last time, I have digressed.

The point of this, I think, has something to do with the branding. Did the NHL and the NFL realize that they were outfitting such disturbers of the peace. Is the league TBR ("to be rowdy") license valid outside the confines of the home field? Would I be typing this if the guy were wearing a shirt and tie? Or would a guy in a shirt and tie even be tinkering with that door? All this thinking makes my hair (singular) hurt.

Of all this nonsense, though, the absolutely most hysterical part can be seen in the video of the guy leaving court and his trying to avoid the media. In using his one telephone call, he must have called for a ride. So, he sprints from the East Boston courthouse steps to a vehicle which awaits. And across the ENTIRE two-doors of the passenger's side of the ride are the blaring words: ARLINGTON REALTY GROUP along with their website. It's that sort of advertising and branding that money cannot buy.

Moral to the story? Always make your team proud; always wear clean underwear; and don't you ever call me for a ride.