R.I.P. Spuds McKenzie . . . whatever you are.

On this date back in 1993, Spuds McKenzie died.

For those who are either too young, or too intelligent to recall the name and reputation, let me tell you that Spuds was one of the dumbest advertising ideas ever conceived by Mankind. Dumber than Herb for Burger King. Dumber than Max Headroom for (even dumber) New Coke. Spuds was the brainchild of someone who thought that Bud Light drinkers were so dumb that they would drink a beer that was the favorite of a dog! Fer cryin’ out loud, dog’s eat poop and greet one another by smell each other’s rear end! What does THAT say about their taste in anything, let alone beer?

So, Spuds became the mascot for Bud Light. Keep in mind that Anheuser Busch is also the company that thought lizards were a great well to sell their beer. And it’s all that money pissed away on their dumb advertising campaign that drives up the price of that crap way beyond what it’s worth in the first place.

But here’s the kicker. Despite the portrayal of Spuds McKenzie as “the ultimate party animal” (which should not be confused with Joe Camel, the ultimate cancer patient), all of Spuds’ attraction to/by supposedly hot babes was a diversion. In the end, the dog who portrayed Spuds turned out to be a FEMALE bull terrier named Honey Tree Evil Eye. And, it was on this date that Honey Tree Evil Eye (I don’t even wanna know how the poor thing got slapped with that name) died.

Next, I suppose, will be a party dog named Storm, which will be whatever sex you want it to be. Oh, wait, isn’t that the case with that Toronto child whose gender is being kept a secret by ITS parents so that society will not be able to stereotype the child? Good grief. Sometimes I feel like a genderless child . . .

Back to Spuds. The mascot has been exploited by everyone from Neil Young to Ton Loc to Family Guy. Autopsy really did reveal that the cause of death was kidney failure. Not surprising, since Bud Light tastes like piss anyway. Poor thing’s kidney was probably uncertain whether it was Bud Light in/ Piss out or vice versa.

Someone please call the SPCA.