From the Barfly's X Flies

Harvey and I were enjoying a cold one yesterday afternoon while “America’s pastime” was being broadcast live from “America’s most beloved ballpark” on free TV. Rather than driving the distance to gnosh on sushi and swill well drinks beneath the grandstands, we were content to bask in the shade of the 28 Club and discuss some of the pressing issues of the day.

For starters, we were curious as to why in baseball parlance the past tense of the intransitive verb “to fly” is not “flew,” but “flied.” As in, “Big Papi is 0 for 2 so far in this came. He struck out in the first and he FLIED out to right in the fifth . . .” Modern aviation technology aside, Big Papi apparently is too big to get off the ground; hence, we cannot say “he FLEW out to right field.”

That sort of discussion naturally led to our wondering whether or not anyone had yet to spy the first fly of the season. Why must it always be the first robin of spring that gets all the good PR, but nothing much is ever said about spying the first fly?

And that, eventually, led to the time-honored discussion of just how a fly manages to land upon the ceiling. Assuming that it is flying right-side up/feet-side down, what maneuver gets those feet up into landing position?

Two obvious options: (a) perform a barrel roll, or (b) execute a back flip. (Yes, other options might involve a front flip/somersault, or maybe some exotic loop-the-loop, but . . .)

It’s a little known fact that Natural History magazine explained all of this back in 1958 and that Eastman Kodak even filmed the action in high-speed/freeze-frame/slow motion. Sadly, though, you cannot find THAT anywhere on the internet.

Apparently, though, the answer is this: Just before landing, the fly extends its forward legs over its head, makes contact with the first two of its six sticky feet, then uses all the momentum from its flight to hoist its body and other four feet up to the ceiling. So, it’s more like Bart Conner than Chuck Yeager.

Oh, looky. Someone else with Red Sox just flied out!
Beertender, Kruegers all around.