START THE PRESSES ! ! !

Is it me or do the so-called "news" organizations all believe that no real news happens over the weekend?

Case in point: The Sunday Cape Cod Times.

Now, let's have a show of hands here. How many were shocked, no SHOCKED to read the front page "investigative news" report in this morning's Cape Cod Times that revealed that most season ticket holders for Fenway Park and the Whatever-It's-Called Garden are held by corporations with luxury suites and topnotch seats elsewhere throughout the park?

I said, "Let's have a show of hands." Anybody? Hello?

Yes, I thought so. This ain't news to anyone here on this barstool either. Apparently, though, while you and I were sleeping soundly last night, the investigative team was hard at work pounding out all the details on this late-breaking story so that the guy without a muffler in that beat-up jalopy could come roarin' down your street before sunrise to drop the first edition at your doorstep. Oh, wait. There's only ONE edition, and that appears to have been written last Wednesday.

As you might have suspected, I haven't been to a Sox game since Tom Brunansky roamed right field.. . the first time. And I haven't felt like buying a Pats ticket since they blew up Schaefer Stadium. Of all the owners of New England sports teams, none ranks higher on my list than the Kraft family, but I have the best owners' box right here beneath my butt. Still, it's not news to read that tickets prices soar and are held only by corporations. (Just wait until the President learns about THOSE demons!)

But I digress. Bottom line is that newspapers are folding, because they serve no current purpose. It's bad enough when the internet can post the news right now, but these papers become their own worst enemy when they set their front pages days before.

Goodnight, Chet. Goodnight, David. Goodnight, John Boy. And let's put the lights out altogether on the Times Sunday edition.

Let's grab a beer while the sun's still shining.