The secret ingredients in this morning's beer.

It's not salt; it's tears. 

Why so sad?

Well, it's because I saw on TV this morning at the Daily Planet a commercial for Bud Light's "write on" label. More dumbity from the folks who gave us the "born on" date. So, I thought, but I suppose it's just as sad that I am only now getting the news, eh?

“This new bottle is one of the many ways we can bring Bud Light’s fun personality to life,” said Mike Sundet, senior director, Bud Light. “Bud Light drinkers are always looking for fun, quirky ways to express themselves, and the My Bud Light bottle offers them a canvas to do just that.”

That's sad. The Bud Light drinker can't find much enjoyment IN his bottle or IN his beer, so he needs to find it on his label. [Note: I have purposely used the male pronoun here; women know better than to fall for all this crap. But, I digress.]

Just as sad as the fact that I had been so unaware of just how much fun scratching a beer label could be [Note: This is NOT the same as peeling off the label by scratching it with your thumbnail. That's true fun for a barfly with any longneck . . . except Rolling Rock's screened label. But, I digress, yet again], the real fun apparently pooped out a couple years back with the people at Solo, the disposable cup company.

HIGHLAND PARK, Ill., January 16, 2009 – Keeping track of your drink as you enjoy the big game with friends and family just got a little bit easier. Solo Cup Company, best known for creating the iconic red party cup, today announced its newest consumer product development:

It’s My Solo Cup, a customizable plastic cup, perfect for avoiding “cup confusion” at parties. With It’s My Solo Cup’s pre-attached label, party-goers can easily scratch their names or any creative design into their Solo cups. Identifying their cups is easy with more fun and less waste – all without the need for a messy permanent marker.

“Consumers who love our party cups have been writing their names on them for decades to avoid losing their drinks among the typical sea of red cups. They inspired this product,” said Kim Healy, vice president of consumer marketing at Solo. “For people who like to entertain, It’s My Solo Cup offers the host less clean-up and even a clever conversation starter for guests.”

WOW! I could have been pouring my PBR pounder into a My Solo Cup and elevating myself to the status of a clever conversationalist! What a wasted opportunity, not to mention a wasted life.

But, of course, the bullshit behind the Solo press release is not that their consumers "inspired this product." In truth (if I might take you into my confidence) is that the patent for all this wonder was applied for back on April 15 (Tax Day) of 1991 by Jeff and Claudia Griffin of Palo Alto. Yes, it IS important that the application was twenty years ago. They were granted the patent in October, 1992. First, they licensed their patent to a cup company call Etch-it; then, to Solo. 

As with Solo, Etch-it tried to take credit for the invention. Read their press release:

Orange County, CA (PRWEB) September 2, 2004 - California surfer Michael Marrin is starting to see the green with his patented invention. Now partygoers don't have to worry about misplacing their cup and spreading germs all they have to do is use Etch-It Party Cups!

Etch-it party cups are instant, fun and pen-less. To use, simply peel the cover then etch your name or cool design. Viola! Every cup becomes an individual master piece & the user will never lose their drink again. The specially formulated "magic wax" coating on every etch-it party cup name tag is guaranteed not to smear or stain like when writing on cups with marking pens. 

With Etch-it Party Cups Partiers will liven up an event by etching pictures or catchy slogans such as "Hi. I'm single." "Take Me Home" etc. Party Host report they save money and have less to clean up because of fewer abandoned drinks. 

Marrin's innovation hit the retail shelves of party, liquor and internet stores around 24 months ago. Over 3 million cups have been sold to date. In the cup world that's a small number but as people become "Etch-U-Cated" the demand is dramatically increasing. Available in RED, BLUE & FROST, Etch-It Party Cups retail from 15-22 cents each.

Future plans for Marrin's company Upardi Inc are to adapt the patented etch-it equipped technology to bottled waters and sport drinks. Just think about those concerned soccer moms when their child athlete runs on and off the field to re-hydrate. They recognize the need to identify a bottled beverage in a hurry. A sport drink or bottled water equipped with the etch-it I.D system is instant, fun and will not smear or wash off in an ice chest.

In theory as etch-it becomes more popular the product will save someone's life by preventing the spread of germs. Who knows with over 3 million cups sold a life may have already been saved.

Dude! Go buy yourself a Dell and Google US Patent 5154448, because it does not belong to the surfer Marrin or to his company. It was the property of the Griffins. I typed "was," because all patents have a lifespan of twenty years from the date of application. Then they expire if the maintenance fees are not maintained. 

So, it's not just coincidence that last week that patent expired, and now Bud Light is bringing its Write On Label into the marketplace.

Saddest of all, though, is that some beer drinkers will find this a reason to buy a Bud Light and maybe drink it. 

Then, they can write on the label: "I wish this were a PBR, or Schlitz, or Schaefer." Boo hoo hoo.