Surgical options: Tommy John v Elton John

My head is all aswirl this morning, and it has nada to do with anything I had to drink. It's all the fault of the TV screens at Planet Fitness this morning.

[Let me stop right here a minute. If Planet Fitness is supposed to be the "Judgement Free Zone," then why do their TV commercials depict some sort of clientele that PF does NOT want? Just wondering.]

But, I digress.

So, this morning, all the local newstwits were excited about the wedding this Friday, and each local station had its own girly anchor on the scene. As you know, I had all I could do to keep from fwowing up, so I tried to divert my attention to other screens.

On ESPN, someone mentioned "Tommy John surgery" not too much before another channel was showing some infomercial about a shampoo that clearly showed an improved "HMI."

No, I did not know that HMI was the abbreviation for "Hair Mass Index," and I also was unaware that it has its own little digitial readout meter that looks a lot like a pregnancy tester to me. Apparently, it could be used as an "Heir Mass Index," too.

So, when I got back here to my laptop, I Googled "hair mass index" and discovered that it's not just for shampoo, but also for so-called "hair restoration." Of course, they do not restore your old hair, because the old hair is gone. Poof! Vanished! Hair today, gone tomorrow! It's should be called "hair relocation," because they take it from your ears, your nose, and your back and stick it on your head.

[Which reminds me to ask this question: On the face of Wally the Green Monster, are those horizontal black things that stick out from the sides of his nose supposed to be eye black, nose hairs, or a pencil-thin moustache?]

Yet again, I have digressed.

According to www.forhair.com:

Hair mass transferred index is the total hairs transferred (THT) and mean hair volume index (MHVI).

HMTI = (THT) ( MHVI) 

The expected actual hair mass you have transferred (HMT) may be easily calculated based on any hair length. One simply multiplies the HMTI by the actual length of hair on the patient. Now one has the capacity to evaluate efficiency of their hair transplant. One can calculate the hair mass index in the recipient area and compare it to the actual HMT calculated at the time of surgery. This method allows one to evaluate efficiency on multiple regions of the scalp.

Who knew?

So, now I am curious as to see just what Elton John's HMI will look like when he shows up at the wedding on Friday. And I am wondering if he has written yet another version of "Candle in the Wind" for the occasion. By my count, he wrote the song about Marilyn Monroe, then rewrote it for Ryan White. And then rewrote it for Princess Di. That's close to the record number of times that Paul Anka wrote new lyrics for "My Way." Then, again, Anka never wrote that song in the first place. He simply wrote English lyrics to the French song, "Comme d’habitude" (French for As Usual. 

See, my head's aswirl, and it just won't stop.